From CNET: More New Adobe Censorware Features

U
Posted By
ued
Jan 13, 2004
Views
310
Replies
9
Status
Closed
It sounds not too much funky, if it is right that PS recognize if you are scanning a banknote and if you’re connected can send alerts to some investigation company. And effectively the software already exist and used in high standard color photocopiers that change colors when try to copy a banknote.

ued

"Robert Lee" wrote
in message
Adobe Announces New "No More Fake Celebrity Boobies" Feature in Photoshop CS

SAN JOSE, Calif. – Jan. 13, 2004 – Adobe Systems Incorporated (Nasdaq:ADBE) today announced that at the behest of "practically every film and television actress on the planet," inserted secret technology into their programs to foil the placing of well-known heads onto naked female bodies.

Photoshop and other programs will no longer be able to open or create files containing female celebrities faces and heads matched with "no name bodies," said Kevin Connor, director of product management for Adobe. The code to detect such images came from the Those Ain’t MY Titties Deterrence Group, a low-profile association representing hundreds of female members of the Screen Actors Guild, but mainly the really hot ones.

"This is a relatively new thing," Connor said. "We are not the first software application to do this, but we definitely have the largest collection of real pictures of famous ladies naked that you’re never going to see."

The creator of the technology, Digimarc, confirmed that it had produced the code under contract to the actress group, but wouldn’t discuss any details, save that the process involved photographing "literally acres and acres of star-quality naked flesh. Mrrrow."

Adobe demurred similarly, admitting only that the process involved sophisticated facial scanning and a new technology called TTTT (TaTas- Tweeter Triangulation).

In response to customer complaints in Photoshop forums about possible processing slowdowns from the unasked-for new feature, Connor cackled openly, his face brimming with malicious glee which slowly, disturbingly turned ugly and somber. "These people are fools," Connor glowered, "the new process works by magic and uses no computing cycles whatsoever!"
Pressed for further details, Connor screamed "Begone!" and gestured like a goddamned Roman emperor, no kidding.

Left unaddressed by any of the companies involved were online complaints by designers working for fashion and men’s magazines and film studio marketing departments that their legitimate, day-to-day tasks had been affected. "I can’t believe this," said one post to Adobe’s official forum, "Tara Reid’s on the cover again for like the eighty billionth time, so once again I had to go and wipe that big, hairy mole off her butt and CS wouldn’t let me. I got some popup message pointing me to www.xxxchurch.com, some ‘hip’ Christian anti-porn site." "You know, I probably shouldn’t be saying this," said another, "but that isn’t Demi Moore’s real body. She looks like a Golden Girl, pretty much, at this point. I’m in charge of ‘cleaning up’ her Playboy spread for later this year, and it looks like I’m going to have to reinstall Photoshop 7 to do it."

At a press conference arranged by Those Ain’t MY Titties Deterrence Group to praise Adobe’s actions today, we asked representatives Drew Barrymore, Halle Barry, Alyssa Milano and That Chick Who Played Counselor Troi about these complaints. After a quick huddle, they announced, "We changed our minds. Can Adobe take that shit out?"

Copyright

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RL
Robert Lee
Jan 14, 2004
Adobe Announces New "No More Fake Celebrity Boobies" Feature in Photoshop CS

SAN JOSE, Calif.
S
Stuart
Jan 14, 2004
hahaha…LOL very funny
D
doctor9
Jan 14, 2004
To the people who’s panties are still in a bunch over the U.S. Currency news, hopefully this will provide a humourous little release valve.

Thanks for the reality check!

Dennis
SB
Sally Beacham
Jan 14, 2004
"Robert Lee" wrote
in message
Adobe Announces New "No More Fake Celebrity Boobies" Feature in Photoshop CS

SAN JOSE, Calif. – Jan. 13, 2004 – Adobe Systems Incorporated (Nasdaq:ADBE) today announced that at the behest of "practically every film and television actress on the planet," inserted secret technology into their programs to foil the placing of well-known heads onto naked female bodies.

I can only say one thing –

*SPEW*

Thank you thank you thank you. I was laughing too hard to come up with a smart-ass rejoinder.


Sally Beacham
www.dizteq.com / www.lvsonline.com
Paint Shop Pro, Filter Frenzy, Xara X
sallyATdizteq.com
RL
Robert Lee
Jan 14, 2004
"Sally Beacham" wrote in
news::

I can only say one thing –

*SPEW*

That’s really all you need to say.


–Robert

"There are men in this world," he said, "who go about demanding to be killed. You must have noticed them…these are people who wander through the world shouting ‘Kill me. Kill me.’ And there is always somebody ready to oblige them."

–Mario Puzo, The Godfather
BV
Branko Vukelic
Jan 14, 2004
Robert Lee wrote:

Adobe Announces New "No More Fake Celebrity Boobies" Feature in Photoshop CS

SAN JOSE, Calif. Jan. 13, 2004 Adobe Systems Incorporated (Nasdaq:ADBE) today announced that at the behest of "practically every film and television actress on the planet," inserted secret technology into their programs to foil the placing of well-known heads onto naked female bodies.

Photoshop and other programs will no longer be able to open or create files containing female celebrities faces and heads matched with "no name bodies," said Kevin Connor, director of product management for Adobe. The code to detect such images came from the Those Ain’t MY Titties Deterrence Group, a low-profile association representing hundreds of female members of the Screen Actors Guild, but mainly the really hot ones.

"This is a relatively new thing," Connor said. "We are not the first software application to do this, but we definitely have the largest collection of real pictures of famous ladies naked that you’re never going to see."

The creator of the technology, Digimarc, confirmed that it had produced the code under contract to the actress group, but wouldn’t discuss any details, save that the process involved photographing "literally acres and acres of star-quality naked flesh. Mrrrow."

Adobe demurred similarly, admitting only that the process involved sophisticated facial scanning and a new technology called TTTT (TaTas- Tweeter Triangulation).

In response to customer complaints in Photoshop forums about possible processing slowdowns from the unasked-for new feature, Connor cackled openly, his face brimming with malicious glee which slowly, disturbingly turned ugly and somber. "These people are fools," Connor glowered, "the new process works by magic and uses no computing cycles whatsoever!"
Pressed for further details, Connor screamed "Begone!" and gestured like a goddamned Roman emperor, no kidding.

Left unaddressed by any of the companies involved were online complaints by designers working for fashion and men’s magazines and film studio marketing departments that their legitimate, day-to-day tasks had been affected. "I can’t believe this," said one post to Adobe’s official forum, "Tara Reid’s on the cover again for like the eighty billionth time, so once again I had to go and wipe that big, hairy mole off her butt and CS wouldn’t let me. I got some popup message pointing me to www.xxxchurch.com, some ‘hip’ Christian anti-porn site." "You know, I probably shouldn’t be saying this," said another, "but that isn’t Demi Moore’s real body. She looks like a Golden Girl, pretty much, at this point. I’m in charge of ‘cleaning up’ her Playboy spread for later this year, and it looks like I’m going to have to reinstall Photoshop 7 to do it."

At a press conference arranged by Those Ain’t MY Titties Deterrence Group to praise Adobe’s actions today, we asked representatives Drew Barrymore, Halle Barry, Alyssa Milano and That Chick Who Played Counselor Troi about these complaints. After a quick huddle, they announced, "We changed our minds. Can Adobe take that shit out?"

Copyright 1995-2003 CNET Networks, Inc. All rights reserved.

This is soooo fucked up! :p I think I can’t keep track of things anymore. What’s next? No aliens? I edit photos of aliens for a living! Oh, no! You didn’t know? They exist, I tell ya! They’re coming!!! Aaaaaargh! *BANG* Xp


Branko Vukelic ()
TE
Tin Ear
Jan 14, 2004
ROTFLMAO!

Wait a minute, I need to scan another butt to replace the one that fell off.

"ued" wrote in message
It sounds not too much funky, if it is right that PS recognize if you are scanning a banknote and if you’re connected can send alerts to some investigation company. And effectively the software already exist and used in high standard color photocopiers that change colors when try to copy a banknote.

ued

"Robert Lee"
wrote
in message
Adobe Announces New "No More Fake Celebrity Boobies" Feature in
Photoshop
CS

SAN JOSE, Calif. – Jan. 13, 2004 – Adobe Systems Incorporated (Nasdaq:ADBE) today announced that at the behest of "practically every film and television actress on the planet," inserted secret technology into their programs to foil the placing of well-known heads onto naked female bodies.

Photoshop and other programs will no longer be able to open or create files containing female celebrities faces and heads matched with "no
name
bodies," said Kevin Connor, director of product management for Adobe. The code to detect such images came from the Those Ain’t MY Titties Deterrence Group, a low-profile association representing hundreds of female members of the Screen Actors Guild, but mainly the really hot ones.

"This is a relatively new thing," Connor said. "We are not the first software application to do this, but we definitely have the largest collection of real pictures of famous ladies naked that you’re never going to see."

The creator of the technology, Digimarc, confirmed that it had produced the code under contract to the actress group, but wouldn’t discuss any details, save that the process involved photographing "literally acres and acres of star-quality naked flesh. Mrrrow."

Adobe demurred similarly, admitting only that the process involved sophisticated facial scanning and a new technology called TTTT (TaTas- Tweeter Triangulation).

In response to customer complaints in Photoshop forums about possible processing slowdowns from the unasked-for new feature, Connor cackled openly, his face brimming with malicious glee which slowly, disturbingly turned ugly and somber. "These people are fools," Connor glowered, "the new process works by magic and uses no computing cycles whatsoever!"
Pressed for further details, Connor screamed "Begone!" and gestured like a goddamned Roman emperor, no kidding.

Left unaddressed by any of the companies involved were online complaints by designers working for fashion and men’s magazines and film studio marketing departments that their legitimate, day-to-day tasks had been affected. "I can’t believe this," said one post to Adobe’s official forum, "Tara Reid’s on the cover again for like the eighty billionth time, so once again I had to go and wipe that big, hairy mole off her butt and CS wouldn’t let me. I got some popup message pointing me to www.xxxchurch.com, some ‘hip’ Christian anti-porn site." "You know, I probably shouldn’t be saying this," said another, "but that isn’t Demi Moore’s real body. She looks like a Golden Girl, pretty much, at this point. I’m in charge of ‘cleaning up’ her Playboy spread for later this year, and it looks like I’m going to have to reinstall Photoshop 7 to do it."

At a press conference arranged by Those Ain’t MY Titties Deterrence
Group
to praise Adobe’s actions today, we asked representatives Drew
Barrymore,
Halle Barry, Alyssa Milano and That Chick Who Played Counselor Troi
about
these complaints. After a quick huddle, they announced, "We changed our minds. Can Adobe take that shit out?"

Copyright
J
JJS
Jan 14, 2004
"Tin Ear" wrote in message
ROTFLMAO!

Wait a minute, I need to scan another butt to replace the one that fell
off.

I like this part, "… a low-profile association representing hundreds of female members…"

Female members?
Ouch! Another part to fall off.
H
Hecate
Jan 15, 2004
On Wed, 14 Jan 2004 11:44:27 GMT, Robert Lee
wrote:

Adobe Announces New "No More Fake Celebrity Boobies" Feature in Photoshop CS
OK, you owe me:

1 new keyboard
1 can of screen cleaner and cloth

😉

Absolutely brilliant! Thank you for making my week, never mind my day 🙂



Hecate

veni, vidi, reliqui

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